You know those nights that you just like to get sleep but your head is decided something else. Yep I know it too! Last one was one of those nights.
There is happening so much in my life in this moment and some of those are things I don’t like to yet tell for whole world but I think soon I’ll be ready for that too. Just not yet.
My closest people’s are knowing already what I’m talking about but others have to wait. Just little bit more. I’m anyhow excited and terrified in same time.
I’m happy that I’m old competitive skater that I have feel this same emotion so many times before that I’m able to say that even being terrified is in this case good thing. It isn’t limiting emotions.
What I was learning from going alone on ice and trying to do every time my best and only the best always in competition and training?? I was learning to win my fears, switch nervous feeling to be my strength or just recognize when it’s good and when it’s bad, working under the pressure, fails are one part of humanity and it’s the thing what we make so many times before success, work hard, believe my self, talk to my self and listening my own inner voice, do always my best, not giving up for small things, giving up when it’s really time, admit that I’m human and I have some limits too even I try to push them forwards and so on.. so on .. I think I could go on with that list but there was quite many things already.
One thing what I haven’t learned until today is that how to get my brain off when there is brain storm going at night. Day time.. let it be but night.. I would like to sleep thank you!
Even I have used some nights quite well. Some good idea pops in my head and I write it down and then I can read it and think in day time again was it so good and can I use it?
Some nights are “list” nights. I have to do that,this, those and best is now. “Just it’s night my brain..can we do it day time please”..” when we really can do it” .. Can you see my struggle is real deal. Ok it’s not every night thank god but sometimes even that one night could make difference.
Then there have been those “worrying” nights. If some body is good? Traveling is going good and get safe destination x? How world could be so bad? Can we trust no one anymore? What if…. list is too long? And miljon other things. Again ” most of the time I can’t do nothing for this things. Please brain can we do a deal? Stop worrying about things what we can’t change? We can’t do nothing that there is some where hurricane or bad peoples” We can do best from our side.
Work nights are maybe most productive if I can say at day time that my night time ideas was good. Just some times it’s gets annoying to think night time work stuff and knowing same time that I would need those sleeps too. ” Brain can we make a deal again you get those good ideas all in same time that I have still time for sleeping? ”
Early wake up or counting hours to wake up nights. This is most insane and irritating night sift. When star to think ” I have just x hours left anymore .. try to sleep ” I can hear my brain laughing for me ” haha just wait and see you will count hours still when you have only 1-3 hours sleep” I can honestly say that one or two times I have skip this just watching movies and maybe sleeping while watching it.. it’s not so bad honestly stay awake than try to sleep and think that “omg I’m never get sleep”.
Then there is nights that you just turning around and get restless sleeping. Yes I’m Sleeping but it’s just restless and all the time turning around and around. There is not good position or there is party in my body and it’s just need to move. I’m waking up many times for that I have under blanket and it’s too hot, on blanket and it’s too cold, Just some part out and both same time, lying on my belly, back and side, twisted, straight, small, tall and everything between. It was sport night but do I feel battery loaded.. noup.
Dreaming nights. This is maybe most interesting case. It’s verry rarely that I see anything very unrealistic dreams. Normally those are more or less in this world happening dreams. Most of the time I like to see them. Some mornings are interesting when I can remember my dreams. Thinking that yep.. ok what a hell that was it about. Where it was coming from? Some times also thinking that I could continue that dream but noup. It’s gone already.
It’s so interesting what our head can processing at night time. How it do it? Mostly question is that why in that midnight time and not evening, day or morning? Is our head or in this case mine so full of everything else in waking up hours that it’s need to continue at night time too ? Or what it is? I hope some day I will understand my brains little bit more better that today.
But yep some times it’s makes fun to think that if other peoples could read my mind probably they could think that what a hell? That makes me laugh. Do you have same feeling ever ? Any familiar night pattern there ?
Someone could say that it’s just sleep and that you could do it in grave too. But I think good sleep is one basic thing what is key to my well being. And It’s thing what I like to do when I have time and need for it. Sleeping is making fun!
Good nights for every one and sweet dreams .. for next night and next and next and…
with love : Hennette